The Tour de France – a grand tour de farce.

Whilst back in the UK I became quite engrossed in the Tour de France (what else is there to do on a wet and windy summer’s day?) and was quite mesmerised about how fit, how strong those cyclists are. Day after day for three weeks, five hours on a bike, cycling 200-odd kms, up hill and down dale (on some stages up bloody great mountains and down ravines) and at the end of each stage having enough energy, strength and stamina to sprint the last 2,000 metres. They are super athletes, super human, super fit and in some cases unfortunately as we know super-drugged-up-to-the-eyeballs.

It really hit home one day after I had braved the elements and had gone out for a bike ride. I cycled 20 miles (32kms) over very gentle, pretty flat Suffolk countryside and got home having averaged 13mph (20kph). I was completely buggered, shattered, and my legs felt like they were on fire. I slumped onto the couch, poured myself a beer and turned on the TV to watch the Tour de France. I was utterly dumbstruck to be told that these guys had an AVERAGE speed over the stage of 31mph (50kph). That’s an average speed for OVER TWO HUNDRED KILOMETERS. Christ, no wonder they take drugs.

At the speed they average it would have taken them 38 mins to do what it took me more than 90 minutes. It is just incredible.



This year’s tour unfortunately descending into a total farce. Teams pulled out left, right and centre and a number of the top riders, including this year’s favourite, ‘Vino’, were found guilty of doping. However, possibly the biggest casualty was Rasmussen, but more of him later.

What I have trouble understanding is the riders who dope themselves during the tour itself because it is one of the heavily tested events in the sporting world. Rasmussen, for example, had 14 tests before he was thrown out (all negative by the way) so the chances of escaping undetected is pretty remote. You really have to be pretty daft to dope during the actual tour itself but, sadly, as we found out, there are a number of pretty daft people riding on the Tour and none perhaps as daft as Alexandre Vinokourov who’s B sample came back positive yesterday.

Vino started the Tour badly with a serious fall in the early stages which left him needing a number of stitches in both knees and elbows. For the next few days he struggled, his Astana team mates dragging him along but he fell steadily down the rankings. Suddenly they hit the mountains and like a turbo charged rocket he was off, first up the mountains leaving a shattered pelothon in his wake. And he thought no one would notice? Hmmm, what a f-wit.

Rasmussen is the one I have trouble with. His team, Rabobank pulled out of the tour, he was thrown out of the team, and the Dutch national squad dropped him as well. And yet none of his tests came back positive.

What happened with Rasmussen is that he missed four out-of-season tests, and also lied about where he was on those dates, he claimed he was in Mexico when he was actually in Italy. Normally missing two disqualifies a rider from taking part but because of confusion between two different testing bodies he somehow missed the ban.

Now whilst it seems a little unfair to label him a cheat when he hasn’t actually been caught there is clearly more to the story than meets the eye. Doping out of season would obviously allow him to train harder and longer, thereby perhaps giving him the edge come the Tour. It was suggested that they could have course tested a sample of his hair which would have still held traces of dope had he been using it. Well, they could have done had he not shaved his head to the bone.



I don’t really know what the future of the sport holds and what the future of the Tour will be but clearly it is a sport in all sorts of trouble. What a shame though for those riders who are clean, and who sweat blood and tears in these races.